So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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