I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
