Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
