i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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