you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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