i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
