just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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