I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize