I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize