He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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