I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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