I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
