I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
