I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
