Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My feet surprised me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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