just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
