Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
