its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize