I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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