I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
