I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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