is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
