Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize