Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
