How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm both gender and math confused
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
