Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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