I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
