dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
