Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
