I hate your face
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
only you would photoshop your dick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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