Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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