JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
