i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
