I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
