Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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