If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
