i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
