we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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