So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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