Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
