i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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