Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize