I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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