God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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