I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
