dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
