My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
