Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
