the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
