Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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