He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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