Walk of Shame. In a state park.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
