lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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