Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
