so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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