I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
