His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
