i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
