so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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