I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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