Pregnant stripper...not hot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
