I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
