got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
