just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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