whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
