No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
