if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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