you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize