Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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