she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
