Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
