Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
