a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
