First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize