I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
