you're like a bully in the Christmas story
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
