I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
