i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
