Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
