sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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