i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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