she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
