he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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