Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
