i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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