Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize