dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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