This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
