the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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