she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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