I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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