how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
