Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
