Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
