i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
