no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
