i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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