Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
birth control should be required to get into college
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
