I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
