I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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