i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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