can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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