the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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