im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
