Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
