so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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