Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize