i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Your mouth is God's brothel.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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